& I don't know what to do,

caught between hating and loving you.

I am still extremely angry. He cheated on me after three years. He was supposed to love me. He was supposed to be faithful, and honest. Yes, I am still hurt, and I am still angry. But there are so many things I am going to miss. I figured that maybe if I listed them, if I just let it all out at once, I could let it go. We'll see.

I will miss the comfort. I will miss hearing someone say they love me. I will miss him holding me. I will miss always having someone to go places with. I will miss his smile. I will miss the way he opened his arms when he wanted me to come lay down. I will miss the way he covers his face when he tries to act cute. I will miss the random long hairs on his arms. I will miss tickling him. I will miss the nook. I will miss someone knowing that I'm not okay even when I say I am. I will miss having someone to cook me dinner. I will miss someone who already knew all of my secrets. I will miss having someone who knew exactly how to make me feel good. I will miss how he could always make me laugh. I will miss the random bump on his head. I will miss our words and phrases: seepy, ty ty, what you do? I will miss him randomly singing. I will miss his silly dancing. I will miss the way things used to be. I will miss him; I really, really will.